SiTam~ABC OF ME,ME,ME........

CAGED~BY SiTam

I shall start the ball rolling by sharing this piece of writing, penned during one of my darker days.....I'm not all doom and gloom, not just full of depressive witterings, nor am I an EMO in a middle-aged body, amidst a mid-life crisis (Although I am considering dying my very,very long "scarlet Passion" coloured hair "Midnight Violet", it's sitting in my bathroom calling out to me as I type!! Is 38 too old to have a mass of purple hair...mmmm?)
I'm just a normal, hard-working, hard-partying, mother of three, happily married, and a very good life........now!
My 'darkness' comes from way back when...from a time and a place and a pre-destined path, not within my power to change at that desolate part of my life.
Blinded by the terror of the unknown I stayed, silent and obedient.Held fast by the bonds of the fear of what could befall my withered existence should I somehow glean strength and flee my nightmare.
So, I endured.....
But when it came..that fateful day of redemption....that hour of vindication.....it came to me with the promise that I will not be quiet and I will not do as I was told.
My time is now!!
I will be all the things denied to me.
I will always be the noisiest, whether anyone was listening or not.
I will have what I want, what I deserve, what Karmic Law has set aside for me over my time here on Earth, earned through my own words and deeds and actions. By becoming the person I knew was there all along...just no one else could see!
I will be happy and loved and respected.
I will have all these things and more.....I do have this all, and more than my imaginnings could have ever dared hope for.
I have deep-rooted issues, nightmares that stealthily attack when most unexpected, even now....
But I am strong, I have love, and a life built on very treacherous foundations, soaring ever higher to a glowing future with Me (on an evener(sic) keel) and mine, my family..of snotty noses and dirty knees, of inconsequential conflicts of teenage angst and a life partner that gives me the guiding light of promises of a lifetime of memories yet to come, of making it '...all worth while...'. For allowing me the strength of mind and the complete lack of fear of failure....I will be eternally grateful, and willingly become his Ganika for all time.
I have felt and fought and forgotten all that does ensue, not at this time, in this place, or as this person. It's all part of my journey, to this here and now, to who I became and contributory factors in who I shall potentially choose to be in my near and distant future.

Behold

THE ABC OF ME, ME, ME-THE DARK SIDE

(watch me unravel!)

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BY TAM B
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Aspirations of an apathetic antagonist-aghast at the altruistic attitudes of the agreeable allies to all things amiable-Alas!
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Brave and bold and beautiful before blasted blockades blight the belief of a bright-eyed believer-Buggeration!
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Caught in catastrophes, clambering from chaos, climbing the cliffs from the connived convictions created to convince the crowds of a completely candid certainty. Corruptions course through the credence of the covetous converts-I crouch, crammed into my own crazy credos.
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Damaged and damaging. Dangerous darkness drowns out desperate declarations of the dire decreptitude of my dreams. Decimation of
delectable daydreams, dashed with downright derision. Diminished desire to demand due day-to-day decency. Denied!
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Evasive endearments, eavesdropping on elation and eluding the edacity for effluence from egregious egotists, extracting, now, enfeebled emotions, exhausted enmity ebbs, expanding eternal expectations.
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Fabled fallacious futures, fancied with fanatical fervour, fall flat from forceful fists and the facilitated fatal fission of feeling and failed fortunes. Flagrant fear fades, as factious forebodings flail forlorn and frail-Futility forgotten in the flat furrow of frustration.
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Grieving through galling games of gratuitous gaucherie. Gleaning guilt from glacial glares and gestures. Growing more guarded. Gradually gathering to me the guise of the guileful.
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Haphazardly hacking, half-heartedly at hurdles. Habitually harbouring hatred, holding hands with hysteria, whilst hoping and hankering for happiness. Humbly hapless in heartbroken, hopeless helplessness.
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Idealized idiosyncratic ideals infiltrate ideas and idioms intended for the ignominious, the illiberal, the illiterate ignoramus. Illustrious imaginings implode inside as impeding, impertinence inhibits my impetus.
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Jarring jibes, jaded jibber-jabber and jaundiced judgements. Joyless joie de vivre jeopardises this journey. This jihad jettisoned.
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The kafkaesque kaleidoscope of kith and kin out of kilter. Knocked sideways by the kickback of the kinetic knowledge of karma.
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Laboriously labouring through the labyrinth of lost, lackadaisical loathing. Languid leaps into love and lascivious liaisons. Leaving legitimate liberty languishing.
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Machiavellian memories maraud my mind, making my maladroit machinations of moonlit flits, maligned by migrating misogynists, that manipulate and masticate my marred moods to the marrow.
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Navigating the nefarious night. Neglecting neurotic nuances, nauseated by narrow-minded and nonsensical (k)now-it-alls, negating my notorious notions of new-age and nonsense-Never mind!
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Oblivious to oblique observations of the objectionable objectors. Obligated to the obstacles to overcome and the obstructions to outrun. Observing out-dated options, overseen by the omnipotent, overbearing, obsessiveness of the 'one' that ordained obscenities. Onward in onerous onanism!
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Preconceived preconceptions of potential, pummelled and purged. Private prayers of putative prospects pre-empted and parried by paragons of pusillanimity. Preordained to a perpetually purposeless presence. A persistent paradox!
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The quintessential quest to quell the quicksand of questionable quiddity. To quantify this quixotic quandary in a quid pro quo with a quarrelsome quisling. Quittance quashed!
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Relentless requests for reasons regarding my rambunctious rationale, my recondite ramblings. Retreating to the reclusiveness of my redemptive reasoning for recompense, re-evaluation and realisation of the reconnaissance of reality. Reinforcing the rejection of relevance and reverence.
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Sedate in my sarcophagus of sardonic sarcasm, my sanctuary of sang-froid. My solace in a sat(y)rical state of schemers and scaramouches. Safe from the sceptics and schizophrenic schlemiels that scrutinize and scold with scrupulous sedulousness.
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Tired of the tainted tableau of the taciturn tolerances, tarrying tantrums and tempers of tautologous teachings. Trailing the tangential tracts of tactful travail. Tyrannized by the two-dimensional, troublous trip that I'm traversing.
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Ubiquitously, the upright usurp the unconventional and unbidden. Uttering uxoricide all in the name of the Upanishads. Urging the unyielding and unruly to upkeep the unwarranted uselessness of an urbane utopia. Undermining any unbigoted or unbiased uprisings from the unrefined and undesirable usually underground.
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Vagrant vexations volley through vacuous vagueness. Valetudinary voicings of varying validity, vehement in their velocity. Venomous verbalisations of vileness and villainy. Vicious vilification ever vigilant.
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Wasted words wail wanton wickedness, wishing weakness and wretched woes upon my weary withstanding. While I wait to win warranted worthiness.
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X----mmmm? nope, just ain't gonna happen!
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Youthful yearnings of yore yanked away and yielded to the yowling yob yoked to in yesteryear.
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Zeal zonked. Zealotry zero. Zestfulness zapped.
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Pretty hard going huh? Tell me about it!! It took me about six weeks to complete, everytime I worked on it for too long, I felt like I was going blind...seriously!!
That's-I'm sure you'll agree-about as revealing as it gets....me, laid bare for my new-found friends and strangers. Sheesh..what was I thinking?
Right you lot...it's your turn. It's not a competition, about who's the best or what have you. I want this to be a place where we can all share what brightens our days or exorcises demons....And anyone visiting must respect all members (assuming there are any apart from me that is!) and posters with the utmost respect. Or they will be taken round back and I'll have to get the heavies to teach you a lesson.......Oh, alright, you'll be reported, k? 
I'm not expecting anyone to expose their very core as I have here today....But, by revealing your creativities, it is impossible to mask the you that not everyone is privileged to see.
It doesn't matter how your light shines through, or whether it is someone elses vision-in whatever shape that takes-that stimulates or stirs a part of your soul.
Happy Saturday to one and all, and maybe here's (raises imaginary glass) to a new and exciting online gathering of like-minded compadres....Alright, not many of you will have a mind like mine, but, you know what I mean.

[SiTam~8/11/08 21:20~ABC OF ME,ME,ME......].